Finding Peace in the Struggle

Finding peace in the struggle against Lyme disease is challenging to say the least. However challenging it may be, finding an inner peace within your battle is deeply replenishing. It is also a delicate balancing act. I am now a little over two years into remission from Lyme disease and I’m still endeavoring to find balance and regain joy. Today I want to talk about how I managed to find peace in the struggle. This subject is near and dear to my heart so I hope you’ll read along.

Joy Can Be Difficult To Find

When I first decided to write about this topic I thought it would write itself. But the truth is, finding peace while fighting an unimaginable battle for your health is quite tricky. I quickly began researching online resources for finding joy and was surprised to find very little written on the subject. There is a wealth of religions telling you to simply look up and find joy in god’s presence. If that works for you, I’m so happy that it does. Personally, I am more of a spiritual/practical person, so I kept searching.

 I smirked to myself when I came across one woman who simply suggested, “Add happiness to your life, right now!!” I added the exclamation points because that’s how I felt when I read it. Like a drill sergeant was screaming at me, “just be happy, dammit!” This seemed absolutely absurd to me. As though I was carrying around a saltshaker full of happiness and all I had to do was add a little to my mashed potatoes. Then I would be joyful. I jest. A little. The truth is, when you’re sick, simply imagining that you’re laying on a beach may bring some temporary relief but chances are it’ll also leave you feeling even more sad and probably resentful at the suggestion.

It wasn’t until I came across an article in the Atlantic that my attention was piqued. Technically it is the transcript of a podcast titled “How to Live When You’re in Pain”. It’s subtitle goes on to explain the reality of human joy. According to the interviewees of this podcast, finding joy has a lot to do with having purpose in life. Mix this with the paradox that in order to experience joy you must have experienced unhappiness, and you may find the beginnings of a prescription for a peaceful existence despite your plight. Being that you’re in the midst of fighting Lyme disease I have no doubt that you’re experiencing unhappiness. Check. But, how do you find purpose in your suffering?

Search Deep For A Purpose

My humble piece of advice for finding peace in your struggle, and it’s backed up by the aforementioned article, is to find purpose in your journey. We all need a reason to get out of bed every morning. When your life feels like an endlessly repeating, horror version of Groundhog Day, you may start dragging your feet. That’s when it’s time to find your purpose.

I decided a few months into treatment that my purpose in life was simply to take care of myself. It sounds overly simplistic, but it really helped me. Modern society, and particularly American society, insists on branding inactivity as laziness. I had to work really hard to break away from that societal and familial pressure. Once I allowed myself to accept that I was sick and that it was okay, expected even, to lay around and recuperate, I was able to remove that unnecessary onus. I leaned into my illness and took it on as a job. I began to see myself as a warrior against disease instead of a victim of something completely out of my control. I seized the reins.

I realized that it was my job to be sick and work at getting better. My job duties were getting plenty of rest, taking my prescribed medications, eating a healthy diet, taking hot Epsom salt baths, dressing appropriately in comfortable lounge wear, and more rest. That’s it. That was my purpose. My body needed me to allow it time to heal and recover. It truly worked for me. Not every minute of every day. That’s not to say I was immediately joyful and full of life and energy. But, I had a purpose. I allowed myself to accept my situation and to be at ease with it. I found a morsel of peace in my struggle.

It’s a Balancing Act

I am not going to sit here and claim that I found the be-all-end-all, magical prescription for finding peace in your suffering. I still struggled daily. I’m only suggesting that you can find some joy if you focus on the good. For me, bacon and eggs were some of those good things. The one meal that always fully satisfied me. It was also focusing on those random good days that presented themselves on occasion.

I remember one day in particular. It was a beautiful late spring day and the family wanted to take a walk down the River Road, a local nature trail that runs along the Swan River. I really wanted to go with them but I knew I would never be able to walk that far. So, I loaded up in my nephews’ Radio Flyer red wagon and my husband and brother-in-law took turns pulling me down the trail. It’s one of my best memories from my battle with Lyme disease.

Be Patient With Yourself and Set Boundaries

As I mentioned above though, enjoying those good days can be a delicate balancing act. When your life is full of fear, suffering and loneliness those good days are like a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark existence. It’s important to remember, on those good days, that you’re still sick and have a responsibility to take care of your body. It can be tempting to overdo it but you’ll pay for it later. You also have to learn to ignore outside pressure from friends or family who may want you to walk a little further or stay up a little later. Know your boundaries and stick to them.

I encourage you to find what works for you. Bird watching from your window, a drive through the countryside, a scary movie or meditation. You can find peace in your struggle , even if only in momentary glimpses, and go on to defeat the monster. You are a warrior.