Lyme Disease, PTSD and Pandemic Fatigue

We are almost two years into the pandemic and the reality of pandemic fatigue is apparent everywhere. People are tired of wearing their masks. We all want to travel and visit with friends and family. The holidays feel like a chore instead of a time for celebration and community. There is a sense of malaise and apathy that surrounds us. Now, with the looming threat of yet another variant, I wanted to take the time to shine a light on Lyme disease, PTSD and pandemic fatigue.

The Weight of It All

I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in June of 2017. For two-and-half years I battled that elusive enemy with tenacity. It was truly the hardest thing I have ever done. On March 6, 2020, I walked into my doctor’s office for approximately the fifteenth time. That was the glorious day my Lyme-literate doctor pronounced me in remission.

Three months prior to that day I had been diagnosed with chronic post-traumatic stress disorder. After battling my deep-seeded feelings of vulnerability, I had crawled out of the womb where I had found solace from the world. I had finally returned to my work as a massage therapist, successfully started my own business and was working diligently to grow my clientele. It was an exciting time, regaining my life after such a long battle against chronic illness and PTSD.

On March 20, 2020, I suspended my practice as a massage therapist. I watched my newly invented self, so fresh out of her womb, wither into a wilting puddle of despair. On March 15, the Governor of Montana had taken the first steps to institute a state-wide lock-down. The fears and anxieties that I had so meticulously worked to unravel came cinching back around me.

I imagine this sounds familiar to so many of you. The pain and suffering, the constant fear of what the next day might bring. The never-ending checklist that ceaselessly spins in your mind…it just goes on and on and on.

Lyme Disease and PTSD

The treatment of Lyme disease is processed by our bodies as ongoing trauma. Our bodies are ensnared in a pattern of fight or flight. Battling this chronic illness becomes a psychological struggle with powerlessness and fear. Fear and uncertainty about your future, your health and your relationships. All of this can lead to PTSD.

When the pandemic began, all those anxieties came rushing back. I found myself right back at square one, afraid every day that I was dying or might die soon. Except this time, instead of thinking I was dying from Lyme disease, I feared death from Covid-19. The incessant checklist came back, chronicling every tiny pang in my body. If I coughed, I feared I had Covid. A sneeze would have me panicking. It took me a long time to realize my hot flashes weren’t a fever indicative of Covid.

Before long, my PTSD symptoms had been re-triggered. I feared public spaces and retreated to my bedroom where I felt safe and secure. I became hyper-vigilant, attune to every bump, nudge, sound and flash of light.  The world around me felt like it was looming, ominously, threatening to swallow me whole, never to return. Now, almost two years into the pandemic, I’ve come to recognize the fatigue I feel from what feels like a never-ending life threat. I have found a few things that help me and I want to share them with you today.

Find Your Solace

My hope is to encourage you by honoring your feelings and acknowledging your pain and your fears. I’m honoring you and urging you to honor yourself. Honor your feelings of despondency and exhaustion. Respect your feelings and emotions. Allow yourself to feel sad, scared and nonplussed.

Listen to Your Body

Do you feel exhausted emotionally, spiritually, physically? That is okay. Take a day to lay down with a good book or binge-watch a TV show. Curl up in your favorite blanket with a cup of tea.

Reading and Naps

I set aside time every day to lay down in bed, with my heating pad on, and read. Once my eyes start to feel heavy, I set my book aside and close my eyes. Usually, I only doze for fifteen to twenty minutes, but it’s rejuvenating. I’m respecting my minds need to shut down for a few minutes every day. Even if I’m not actually tired, I still curl up on my side and close my eyes. I do breathing exercises and imagine the sound of the ocean, rushing in and out, in and out. It’s a moment of calm in what feels like an increasingly crazy world.

Nature Meditation

Maybe reading and naps aren’t your thing. Try going for a run or a walk through the park. Notice your surroundings, the beauty of nature. I like to think of this as a nature meditation, emptying your mind of everything except what you see, feel and hear. Notice the feel of the wind on your face, hear the rustle of the leaves and birdsong. Take in the colors of the sky, the trees, the water.

Hot Baths

I love hot baths. It feels like pampering myself. Stepping into the tub, with water so warm a little steam rises in the air, feels like a giant hug. The water surrounds your body and suspends time. Whether you read, meditate or listen to music while sipping a glass of wine, a hot bath has the power to calm your body down. In this post I talk in more detail about the power of hot baths.

Pandemic Fatigue

Pandemic fatigue is real and for those of us who have battled through treating a chronic illness or suffered with post-traumatic stress disorder, it can all feel overwhelming from time to time. Learn to recognize the signals your body is sending. It will vary from person to person but may include irritability, lack of motivation, anxiety, general malaise, feeling alone or isolated and depressed. When you learn to recognize the signs, you can take the time to honor yourself and escape the quagmire of despair.

My therapist once told me that, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” This little quote has brought me solace time and again, so I pass it on to you now. Stay happy, stay healthy!